Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
