The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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