Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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