Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
