plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
