I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize