I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
