i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
