In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
