it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
