he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
