i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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