i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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