we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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