I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
