i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
