Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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