i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There r osticjed everywhere
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
