At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
