Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
