when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
