By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
