Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
