I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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