so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
