Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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