forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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