So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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