After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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