i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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