who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize