There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
