Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
