Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
