Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
