My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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