My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
