So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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