Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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