Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
