I'm lost and stupid without you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
