hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
