belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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