how can u be prego again
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
