Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize