Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
