I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
