Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
