We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
