Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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