im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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