I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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