flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
