Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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