People in love make me want to vomit
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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