i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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