Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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