How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
