Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
