things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize