don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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