well I can't set my house on fire every night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
