3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
