Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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