did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
