Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
