Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
