At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she peed on how many people?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
