he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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