He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
