i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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