Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
