I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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