he shaved USA in his pubs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
