omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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