I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
