That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
