Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We have started to decorate penises.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
