id be glad to
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
